10. When you call radio talk shows, they ask you to turn yourself down

9. You’re passing everybody on the freeway when suddenly you realize — you’re not in a car

8. You run around your company board room yelling, “I’ve got a great idea! A Disneyworld in France! We’ll call it EuroDisney!”

7. You can’t stop saying, “No” (Earlier in the show, Dave showed a clip of President Clinton pounding his fist on a podium, shouting the word “no” over and over again)

6. Last time you got good night’s sleep, Madonna was a virgin

5. You’re shaking like Mexican space shuttle

4. You jam a fork into the waiter’s hand when he tries to switch your regular coffee with Folger’s Crystals

3. You go nuts over a little thing like a car alarm (A car alarm was going off outside the theater earlier, and Dave went out to the Hello Deli next door and got pea soup to pour on the engine)

2. Like our stage manager Biff Henderson, it starts to spray out of your ears (Self-explanatory…)

1. You’re up to four heart attacks a day